tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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