Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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