maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
