My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
