Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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