Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
