I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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