Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
