I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
