you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she peed on how many people?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
