how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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