So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
