Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
