I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
