mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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