mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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