This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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