Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
