We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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