he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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