So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
two words: eviction party
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
