i permit you to call me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
