This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
