Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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