I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
