I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
