This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
