Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
