I'm passing your future prison.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
