he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
