I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
