You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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