Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
