i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
