Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
