The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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