watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
