Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
