Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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