Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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