Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
