But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
