Soap is not a condiment
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
