morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
