Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
