thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
