I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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