He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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