Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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