normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
