Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
