You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize