mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
