also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Life is so much better after having sex.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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