She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
