if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
