hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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