Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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