dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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