My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
