I puked a lego.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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