dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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