So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
