Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
