Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
