Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
