Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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