So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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