I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What a dumb baby whore.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
