That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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