For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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