My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
