We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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