How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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