i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
