i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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