I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
