God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
