I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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