carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
