Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize