...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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